The Essence...

I just want you to know
Your whole being is beautiful

 

Alright.. Finished working out, And had some time on my hands.. And You know by now my mind is a wonderland full of random observations and thoughts that cloud my mind constantly to keep me sane in some sense.. 

I caught myself staring at this girl in the supermarket. yea. I know.. she works there.. she saw me glancing at her, and she gave me a dirty look. I started to get angry like WtF? what was that for? but Being so in the middle, I calmed down and said, "Oh, she must think im one of the "regular guys" that come in here looking for sum pussy.. Which is the curse of me.. I don't think anyone will ever truly know how my mind works.. Most guys do look at females like that... But I'm More fascinated with the essence....

what is the essence I Speak of? 

Well for those who care.. Women .. the good ones... you can't put it into words.. 

Just sitting back and appreciating those small things a woman does.. to be... well.. A woman...

Putting the best smelling lotion.. all over their body..

Spraying body spray on every inch of their skin. 

Making sure her hair is just right..

Her lips glossed, and the thought she puts into dressing up for each occassion...

That's why I cant stand a dirt bag manly broad... That just is what it is.. traits of a dirty nicca.. Makes me sick.. 

So me looking a woman is just admiring the beauty & those small things she does... but ahh! doesn't matter.. 

Because even that is fleeting nowadays.. With females not caring, throwing on run down ugg boots, and I swear I can smell them through the shoe...

But hey.. Months later, my stance still hasn't wavered on not looking for a mate.. so its just my random mind walking down that hectic highway....

Until next time....

Signed.. A lost Breed... .

Searching For the Impossible

I Need you to make me believe in relationships..... Cause I lost Faith that what it truly means.....

So Here I go again... Haven't Had the opportunity to blog in a while due to the constant stress I've been trying to mentally maneuver through. And Generally Stress Brings on ideas for me. Being that I actually see things (which people don't believe me..) like minority report..

I see big sections of pictures, of Ideas, Fantasies, & art...

So hence the idea for the current tat.. I shy'd away from it because of the normalcy of that tat.. A lot of  dummies just get kiss tattoos because everyone else gets em. But All my tattoo's (except one, drunk night) has meanings, and underlying stories.... So... I had a female in mind who I felt fit the example of what I thought the tattoo meant... But she kinda dodged me after agreeing.. But then... my initial first... Who i was kinda scared to ask.. agreed... SO what does my tattoo... & the topic of this blog mean...

The lips symbolize a woman who I feel is the perfect woman.. The woman who embodies the qualities That I've been searching for my whole life... That Real, honest, cool, funny, down to earth, sweet, beautiful beyond measure, Body that would make a man crash the most expensive car.. Unfortunately she is _______.. The love and pain goes with it being that In a mans life... this is what we chase... From birth.. we chase money & women.. No matter what anyone else makes up.. We do it all for that.. In most cases.. It is entwined with love... lost or gain.. and generally ends in pain...

Which is why I chose her.. She embodies what I've been looking for.. But then you sit back and realize.. their are era's in life.. The raising of women... The things they see, and the things they want to be... Which highly diminishes with each era.. She is from that era , cooks, cleans, loves, respects.. That era is dead... Its numbers became extinct.. She is the defining example of what I can never attain...And as of late.. I lost hope in a sense.. My whole life I've looked for love in that one simple form.. People ask me what do you look for? I say... without flinching or hesitation.. "I just want someone who will Treat me like I treat her"... Simple huh... Now.. After 26 years of getting played, ditched, stood up, told "I'm still in love with my ex" or dumb shit like "your tattoo's are unattractive".. I gave up... I do not believe in relationships of love in my era of life... Finding a woman who is cool, and the above, and doesn't have children.. 0... Not happening.. All I find nowadays is the female whose first questions are.. How big is your dick and how much money do you make? or do you drive? So what does that mean?

I honestly noticed the change mentally.. like.. I use to look at a woman, try to seer into her eyes... Wonder What makes them tick, the true essence of their personality.. and How great it would be to find someone like them.. but now.. I Just glance with the sex mentality.. like.. I feel myself turning into the asshole guy who I never wanted to be.. But why be alone.. others are allowed and condoned to think with their penis.. SO why not indulge my addiction.. yaknow.. cause at this rate... I'll just be sleeping around till' I'm 90.. Cause I'm not gonna settle for someone who disrespects me, cheats, or I'm going to be unhappy with.. I have too many examples that went before me to not step in that pile of bullshit..

So.. My search for the impossible.. Has come to an end... I guess it is the Year of the Asshole/douche bag.. Cause the nice guy kept getting told to drop dead..

And plus I guess the Road to success is a lonely Road.. So... 

Until Then...

~ King.. A lost Breed...

Moment Of Clarity

I can dodge and jab
Three shots couldn't touch me
Thank God for that

Well, Im Back. Not on Xanga, Felt I should start blogging again to share my experiences with who ever is reading, so it could not only help you, But Help me.  I guess I should Introduce myself, & also explain the title itself..

Hi, My name is Daze.. aka King of Brooklyn. I'm a brother, a Son, A lover, A Gangsta, A writer not rapper, And I try to live the best way I know how. 

But I'll spare you the big portions until later.

I write from the heart... honest, true, and with whatever comes to my mind at the moment... 

Well I Recently took a trip to Dallas, and Had a moment of clarity..

clar·ity (klar′ə tē) noun ~ the quality or condition of being clear; clearness...


I'm taking in all my surroundings, My brothers place, and his place in California. How beautiful things were, How great it was to be out of NY. How beautiful and Kind the women were, and Just enjoying my time away. But in the back of my mind, Im going crazy, Im depressed, Im hurt, Im unloved, Im weakening by the second. My brother then takes me and my mother to this famous preachers church.. TD Jakes.. I for one dont have any faith or belief in the church. But That will come at a later time. But Im always willing to listen, And the things he was saying, kind of touched my heart, Opened my eyes... Dont get me wrong, Im still a fucced up individual who will Keep the lessons the Streets of Brooklyn taught me till the day I die.. But one thing he said made me realize that im fuccin up. 
My life, My job, my heart, My family.. As the preacher said, we all put on "the best representatives of ourselves".. The fact that were acting strong in the front of the crowd, But are actually hurt or lacking in other areas. When he said that, I realize that Im not happy in any portion of my life. And I honestly Dont do anything for myself. I overextend myself for others, and put others happiness in front of my own.


And where did that get me? With a college degree fighting out of debt, Cant get into the career that will make me happy.. At a Job where I've been begging for help from the laziness, the ghetto-ness and the straight foolishness for 5 Fuccin YEARS! and nothing. Ive been a strong, Reliable, caring individual for everyone else but myself? Does that make sense..


I sat back and noticed my mother give her all and help others without question just to see her get played in the end.. So I have to blame her. Cause in the end... who really cares about you? for me.. A smaller few than I actually thought. Who actually asks me how Im doing.. and means it... genuinely cares... ? Not the people who I thought. Who calls you to make sure your ok, when your hurt, in pain and down and out?
When you sit back and notice.. Everyone is out for self, and willing to use you till your last drop and throw you away when your un-use able..
So Moment of Clarity..
Live your life, For your self,... and for the ones deserving. You need to make yourself Happy in ALL areas of your life. Its like working out. IF you work on your arms and chest all the time. Your going to have chicken legs and injuries... Get it? Your self happiness is the most important and YOU need to make sure your happy before anyone else will. Because.. face it.. No one really cares.. well some do.. but those rare people are one in a million...


So.. Im going to get out of this go no where job, Gonna get into my career, Im going to find that woman of my dreams*well.. I think thats at the end of my list * And Just live life.. Ive been in tons of life threatening situations... Trying to be a legit business man made me lose the realization that You almost were dead tons of times, so Live the life your Living.. So.. from this day forward.. I am... .. A new.. well Old me...


Until then....


Signed.. A lost Breed... .


Next Topic : Decisions... Bad, Good, & Horrible... : My Life..